In the last blog post, we spoke quite eloquently about how desire sometimes gets in the way of reason and how contraception can sometimes take a backseat (you remember: UPSI...) and how, fortunately, we have the morning-after pill. And that's why we wanted to know exactly what it is this time. What exactly is this sexual desire, this libido, that sometimes makes us lose our common sense?
Sexual desire is a primary need
Libido is the Latin term for the need to satisfy sexual desire. And sexual desire, it must be emphasized, is a primary need. This perhaps shows how relevant this topic should be. But what do we have to conclude from our research? It is not. At least not when it comes to female desire.
Because apparently, libido in women has not been studied for a very long time. To put it bluntly: male potency has always been important, because after all, it gives life. It has to work. And women? They only receive and don't have to do anything. But it really isn't that simple.
Quite the opposite, sexual desire is actually incredibly complex. Biologically, sexual desire is controlled by hormones. The most important hormone for this is testosterone, the male sex hormone. This makes perfect sense from an evolutionary biology perspective, as men should always be able to pass on their genes and ensure the survival of the species. For women, this is not permanently necessary, as they have lower testosterone levels. In addition, there is estrogen. At the time of ovulation, desire is needed to make fertilization more likely. And then comes pregnancy and raising the children, where distraction by sexual desire would rather be counterproductive.
What influences libido?
But desire is not that simple, as you have probably already experienced yourself. Why do some women* have particularly strong desire during menstruation? Why others particularly during pregnancy? Why some only on vacation? And why some not at all? Female desire is not well researched, much is assumed. It is clear that hormones such as dopamine and oxytocin also play a role. Our dopamine levels are particularly high when we are newly in love. This also explains why we simply cannot keep our hands off each other during this time. Oxytocin is the cuddling hormone, which is released, among other things, through tenderness and touch. This is also the reason why sexual desire often flares up during cuddling or kissing.
And then there are countless external factors that influence libido. Tension, stress, fatigue, psychological problems, bad experiences with sexuality, a lack of sexual education, the tabooing of sexuality during childhood - all these factors control our desire. Above all, medications also significantly influence libido. You can find more on the topic of antidepressants and libido enhancement here.
How much desire is normal?
Precisely because there are so many different factors, it is difficult to say how much desire is “normal”. Normal is anything that feels good and does not cause distress. And this spectrum ranges from loss of libido to excessive desire. Medical professionals speak of a libido disorder when desire completely disappears or is greatly increased for at least 6 months and - this is very important - the affected person suffers from it. Such issues can then be addressed with professional help, and psychological or organic causes can be examined and treated.
And what if it is only temporary lack of desire? That too has its cause. To prevent an unpleasant vicious cycle, open communication with your sex partner should be essential. Some disturbing factors, such as pain during sexual intercourse, vaginal dryness, lack of stimulation, special physical needs, or simply an unpleasant body odor, can perhaps be clarified and resolved in conversation. Keeping a lack of desire secret can lead to fears regarding sexuality, (possibly misunderstood) demands, criticism, or accusations from your sex partner can strain the partnership and lead to avoidance behavior. A vicious cycle.
It is also helpful for libido if you know your body and your sexuality well. Masturbation can help you get to know yourself and your preferences better. You can try out for yourself where your switches are, what turns you on, and what you want. With such self-confidence, it is also much easier to express these desires, but also any fears towards others (or perhaps even a third?). Pelvic floor training can make sexual intercourse more intense for you, and thus also more pleasurable and satisfying.
What can I eat to increase my desire?
In search of natural ways to increase your own desire, you stumble upon many ominous little remedies from Spanish fly to Spanish fly. The effectiveness of many of them is probably more mystically proven. But don't worry, there are little helpers in bed. And what can we say, desire is created by an interplay of hormonal effects, mental health, and physical fitness - so it all comes back to a healthy lifestyle and a nutrient-rich, healthy diet.
Various nutrients have been identified that have a positive effect on sexuality and fertility. These include, for example, unsaturated fatty acids, plant proteins, antioxidants, various amino acids, B vitamins, and zinc. And so it is no longer so surprising why plant-based foods such as pomegranate, strawberries, asparagus, cocoa, or even animal-based foods such as oysters or salmon are considered aphrodisiacs. They all contain the above-mentioned nutrients in higher quantities. Other foods such as candied fruit, cherries, or whipped cream are simply considered sensual, and that is of course not insignificant, since the mind plays a major role in desire.
What has a rather negative effect on sexuality are a nutrient-poor diet, trans fatty acids, and animal proteins.
Love herbs and aphrodisiacs
Various medicinal plants are also said to increase libido. They increase blood flow (especially in the genital area), have an effect on the central nervous system and the hormone balance, act as antispasmodics, mood enhancers, anxiety reducers, relaxants, or they are simply particularly nutrient-rich.
Potential herbs for increasing desire are:
Nettle (especially the seeds here), St. John's wort (caution: interacts with the pill), Motherwort, Mugwort, Lavender, Parsley, Basil, Marigold, Oats, Lovage, Yam, Monk's pepper, Maca, Nutmeg, Ginseng, Yohimbin
Since the creation of desire is a very complex physical process, in which many external factors also play a role, there is no magic herb that will suddenly switch on desire. For many of the plants, the effect is not even proven, but rather rooted in folk medicine. But for some remedies, such as ginseng or yohimbin, there is now a good data base for the potency-enhancing effect.
What is an aphrodisiac? Substances are called aphrodisiacs if they specifically affect libido, the sensation of desire, or the sexual organs. They act as stimulants and excitants. They are named after the Greek goddess of beauty and love: Aphrodite.
Alcohol and libido: “It provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance”
One final thought on alcohol as an aphrodisiac, because wine is often found on such lists:
Alcohol can of course loosen the mood and lower inhibitions. This is pleasant for some, dangerous for others. Situations can also become unclear, and things can happen that you would not have agreed to in a sober state. So alcohol should only play a role in lovemaking with a trusted partner. And as Shakespeare already wrote in his Macbeth about alcohol: “[...] it provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance.” So, maybe it's better to leave it out.